The Basics to Being Likable

Maybe you’re new to the neighborhood and are looking for some friends, or maybe you’re trying to land new clients, or maybe you’re tired of being single and want to start dating.

The key to succeeding in meeting people and maintaining a solid relationship is to be likable.

Below are some of the basics of being likable to help maintain friendships and relationships and to help jumpstart you into changing yourself for the better.

BE POSITIVE

This may seem like common sense, but it must be stressed that in order for others to want to be around you, shed off the negativity.

Happiness is welcoming, and positivity conveys to everyone around you that you’re happy. This attracts more happy people, and sometimes even negative people who are inadvertently using your good vibes to make themselves feel better. This works well for attracting new clients or influencing a friend.

When you practice positivity, it starts to become who you are and deflects even the most negative people without shifting your own mood.

However, life happens. It may seem easier said than done to maintain a great mood when a loved one just passed away, or your boyfriend just dumped you, or your boss at work yelled at you again.

There are a few tricks you can use to help guide your mind back to being positive, like smiling (yes, even a fake one can trick your brain to thinking it’s happy).

Even rearranging the phrases you think can create a more positive mindset. Omit from your thoughts phrases like “i don’t want” or “I can’t” or “I don’t like when”. The more you focus on the negative, the more negative you will feel. The people around you will be able to feel that negativity too.

CONFIDENCE IS KEY

It’s okay to be likable and know it. Having confidence, or even pretending to have it, conveys to everyone that you know what you’re doing and that you accept yourself and it’s okay for other’s to accept you too.

There are a number of ways to exude confidence, from the way you walk (chin up, shoulders back), how you work, and how you speak. Someone once said to me that his mother would tell him that a soft voice belonged to a liar and a thief, and a clear confident voice had power.

Affirmations are another great way of gaining confidence. Yourself can be your greatest enemy. Being aware and actively battling the inner demon in your head telling you that you’re not good enough will start to make you feel confident.

Here’s a great exercise: Every morning when you wake up, before leaving your bed, think of ten things that you are grateful for. At first you will only be able to think of a small handful of things, like your wife or your dog, but the more you do the exercise, the more things you will find that you’re grateful for. Now once you’ve done that and are feeling good, start telling yourself that you’re good enough and that you deserve that promotion. Assure yourself that you are liked and people love being around you. You will start feeling better about yourself, and everyone will be able to see that about you.

It should also be said that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Having confidence while maintaining the rest of the advice given will ensure the line isn’t crossed.

EVERYBODY LIKES A GOOD LISTENER

And by good listener, I mean an active one. That doesn’t mean hearing, or waiting for someone to finish talking so you can say what you want to say. It means actually giving someone your full attention, one hundred percent. It means making eye contact and holding on to their words.

The key to active listening is to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand how they feel. More often than not, if someone is talking to you, they don’t want you to say anything. Most are just venting and need a lending ear. Listening is one of the best ways to gain someone’s trust.

I mentioned above that there is a line between confidence and arrogance. Being an active listener is drawing a line in the sand. When you listen to someone, make them feel like they can talk about themselves. Assure them that you are listening by nodding and reiterating what they said, “so what you’re saying is…”

Asking open ended question like, “what was the scariest part about jumping out of a plane?” or “when did you first realize that you were allergic to shrimp?” will prompt them to speak, and the more you open up the door, the more they will begin trusting you.

Everybody likes to talk about themselves, and when we find someone that shows interest in what we like, we naturally feel drawn to them. Listening and engaging and showing people you care is a sure fire way to catapulting your likability factor.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Being likable is an ability, not a quality. This means that it can be learned and practiced. It is an essential ability to possess if you’re trying to succeed with your employees, make more friends, or even market your brand.

Just like anything you start out doing, it may seem tough but with persistence and a willing to succeed, people will start flocking to you.